The Montana Fragfest boys recently attended a MSU Hivemind LAN party. During this gaming orgy, I noticed that several people had committed several of the Cardinal sins of LAN partying. So to help you folks not be the LAN jackass I’m going to line out some of the biggest LAN party no-no’s so that your friends won’t think your an uber boob.

• Macs – I know you are proud of your over priced computer (heck, even I own one) and excited to see such a large gathering of people who are somewhat technologically inclined, but your computer is not the same. Your computer is the cheerleader on the sideline while the rest of our computers are busy pummeling each other in the end zone. Please don’t bring a computer that is renown for it’s inability to play video games and then walk around the entire time complaining about not having games to play.
• Bringing Speakers – Seriously? You brought speakers? Let’s perform a Universality Test here: What if EVERYONE brought their speakers? No one would be able to hear anything! It would be a chaotic mess of computer fans, nerd grunts, gunfire, and the occasional sound of a spell being cast. Get a good pair of headphones, you’ll be much happier and you’ll be helping prevent noise pollution.
• Dual Monitors – Dual monitors are a computer user’s best friends. The prevailing attitude is that dual monitors increase productivity, but not at LAN parties. Unless every monitor you have with you is cranking out 3d beautifulness, leave it at home. You don’t need to be productive at a LAN party, in fact one of the goals of a LAN party is to be a UNPRODUCTIVE as possible.
• Wireless Mice – Now I know what you are going to say here, “but Proximity, why would I want to LAN encumbered by wires?”. And the truth is that you are right. I hate wires and I love wireless mice. Wireless mousing CAN be done right at LANs, but in my opinion it’s just TOO RISKY. Again we’ll apply the rule of universality: What if everyone brought a wireless mouse?! There would be so much RF signal interference you’ll be lucky to hit the broad side of the barns in 2fort. Another problem with most wireless mice is that their dock and reciever requires another power plug to get them to work. Now imagine another LANner sets up next to you, goes to plug in his computer and sees your big fat ugly AC adapter taking his spot. Ditch the wireless and get a good wired gaming mouse. You’ll never be the same again.
• MMOs – LEAVE THEM AT HOME. A local area network was not set up so that you could connect to a wide area network to play games.
• Coming totally unprepared – Everyone forgets ONE thing when coming to a LAN, but don’t be the guy walking around bumming power cables, begging for food and energy drinks, and walking around looking for install disks to every game being played. The rest of us didn’t spend time getting ready so we could waste it babying your dumb forgetful ass. If you came with friends ask them first, that is why you have them. If you must bother someone else you don’t really know then by all means make your impact on their night as small as possible.
• Body Odor – Please shower more than once a month. Hot computers + body odor can make for an unbearable environment. This isn’t so much a rule for LAN parties as it is a rule for life. People will like you more, trust me.

Well there you have it. This is by no means and exhaustive list, but hopefully a good enough one to keep you on everyone’s good side at your next LAN party.

This entry was posted on Sunday, April 6th, 2008 at 10:13 pm and is filed under Tips and Tricks. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.